“I grinned like mad from side to side, as people are less likely to shoot at you if you smile at them”
This is the story of Mad Jack, the Soldier turned Officer who fought during World War II with a Sword, a Longbow and a set of fucking Bagpipes. - Yes, you read that right.
Born in Sri Lanka, 1906 - John Malcolm Thorpe Fleming Churchill (fuck me) graduated from the Royal Military Academy in Sandhurst, England in 1926. John was more commonly known as ‘Mad Jack’. - You’ll see why.
During peacetime in the 30’s, Jack was stationed with his Manchester Regiment in Burma (now Myanmar). He spent these years riding his motorcycle across the country and mastering the Bagpipes. - Knowing the latter would come in handy in the near future I guess.
Unimpressed with the lack of action, Jack left the army in 1936 and moved to England, working as a movie extra, a newspaper editor and a model. - Eclectic.
In 1938, Mad lad Jack placed second in a Military Piping competition and in 1939 he represented Great Britain at the World Archery Championships. - Did I mention he was shit hot with a bow?
When the Second World War came around, Jack returned to the British army as an officer and was sent to France to fight.
The Battle of France, 1940
Jack led his regiment in an ambush on a German patrol near Calais, initiating the attack by running in first with his broadsword held in the air. In his later years, Jack was interviewed regarding his questionable choice of weapon. His reply was simply - “Any Officer who goes into action without his sword is improperly dressed”
After his efforts in the Battle of France, Jack became known as ‘the only Soldier during WWII to kill someone with a bow and arrow.’ - There’s a few different accounts of whether this actually happened or not, we’ll stick with this one as its cool as fuck.
Later that year, Jack was shot in the neck in Dunkirk. Upon being asked what had happened, Jack nonchalantly replied “German Machine Gun”. - Stupid question ‘ey Jack.
Look closely
Operation Archery, Norway 1941
Now second in command during a raid of a German garrison in Vågsøy, Norway. Jack led the men on the frontlines whilst playing ‘March of the Cameron Men’ on his Bagpipes. - banger.
For his efforts in both France and Norway, Jack was awarded the Military Cross for bravery.
Italy, 1943
Jack and his regiment were ordered to capture a German observation post in Molina, Italy.
They infiltrated the town with ease, capturing 42 prisoners from the German Mortar Squad.
When asked how he took control of the prisoners, Churchill replied -
“I maintain that, as long as you tell a German loudly and clearly what to do, if you are senior to him he will cry ‘Jawohl’ and get on with it enthusiastically and efficiently whatever the situation. That’s why they make such marvellous soldiers..”
During the fight, Jack lost his trusted companion - his sword, in hand to hand combat. A week later Jack walked back to the town on his own to retrieve it.
En route, he came across a confused American patrol heading towards enemy lines.
When the patrol refused to turn around and listen to Jack, he said “I’m not coming back a bloody third time” - Fucking tell ‘em Jack!
Yugoslavia, 1944
During Mission Maclean, British Commandos led by Jack supported Yugoslavian Partisans in raiding the German held island of Brač.
Mad Jack and his merry men suffered heavy casualties and before he knew it, Jack was alone and out of ammo.
With no hope left, Jack resorted to playing ‘Will Ye No Come Back Again?’ on the pipes. Before he could finish the tune, he was knocked unconscious by a German grenade and subsequently captured.
Now a POW, Jack was sent to Berlin to be interrogated. Due to his name, Nazi officials believed he was a relative of Winston. - He wasn’t.
After the confusion was cleared, Jack was sent to Sachsenhausen Concentration Camp.
September 1944, Churchill and 4 others escaped Sachsenhausen through a tunnel the others had previously dug.
They set out to walk to the Baltic coast, and got very close before they were captured a few kilometres from sea.
Jack was then sent to another camp in Tyrol, Austria, and you guessed it.. escaped again in April 1945. Timing his escape perfectly during a camp blackout.
Jacky boy walked 150 kilometres through the Alps into Italy where, some 8 days later, he stumbled across an American patrol (again) who rescued him and sent him back to Britain.
Jack wanted more. He made his way over to Burma to fight the Japanese in the Pacific Campaign, but by the time he got there, the bombs had already been dropped.
Jack was so pissed off the war ended, he allegedly said -
“If it wasn’t for those damn yanks, we could have kept the war going for another 10 years!”
Churchill retired in 1959, but didn’t lose the name Mad Jack.
He used to confuse passengers on his daily train rides home by throwing his briefcase out of the window of the moving train.
He later explained that he was throwing his case into his back garden which the train passed, so he wouldn’t have to carry it from the station.
Once retired Jack had to keep himself busy. He served as a Surfing instructor in Australia and also appeared in another film, bringing his film appearance tally to three. -
A Yank at Oxford - 1938
The Thief of Bagdad - 1940
Ivanhoe - 1952
- Upon researching these, it turns out he’s uncredited in them all. Unacceptable, we all know Jack is the main selling point.
Mad Jack Churchill passed away in Surrey, England on 8th March 1996 at 89 years old.
In 2014, the Royal Norwegian Explorers Club published a book featuring Churchill, stating him as ‘one of the finest explorers and adventurers of all time.’ - I’d say they’re spot on.
There you have it, the story of one of the craziest fuckers to date. Thanks for reading.
- M.
On This Day -
1554 - Queen of England for nine days, Lady Jane Grey is executed for treason.
1915 - Adolf Hitler receives the relatively common Iron Cross second class, for bravery in World War I. - Cock.
1921 - Winston Churchill becomes British Minister of Colonies.
1949 - Panic in Ecuador, after War of the Worlds broadcast on radio.
1950 - Albert Einstein warns against hydrogen bomb.