January 12th 1846, British Surgeon Robert Liston proudly struts into the operating room. Full to the brim with medical students and reporters alike, all eager to witness the spectacle.
‘Time me, Gentlemen!’ Liston professes before getting to his usual work. *
Liston was well known for his speed in the operating room, often finishing amputations in under two minutes. Rightfully earning him the nickname ‘The Fastest Knife in the West End’. His fastest leg amputation reportedly being 28 seconds. -fucking hell.
His surgical techniques were bold and unorthodox. He was the first surgeon to use ether as an anaesthetic, allowing patients to be unconscious during surgery. He was also one of the first to use a surgical tourniquet, allowing him to operate on limbs with minimal blood loss.
Despite his many achievements, Liston's career was not without controversy. Many of his colleagues criticised him for being too reckless and for taking unnecessary risks in the operating room.
Nevertheless, Liston's contributions to the field of surgery were significant, and he is still remembered as one of the greatest surgeons of his time. - not the neatest, mind.
As well as his record breaking 28 second amputation of a leg, Liston also had some other impressive cases. During another swift leg chop, Robert accidentally cut off a patients testicles. - but we don’t talk about that one..
In a separate, more successful surgery involving the testes, Dr Liston removed a 45 lb scrotal tumour that the patient had been carrying around in a wheelbarrow, in a mere 4 minutes. - before you ask, no, it wasn’t Randy Marsh.
- Robert Liston operating on a patient, Mid 1800’s
All work prior was but a warm up, as Liston’s most famous case is the only operation in history to have a 300% mortality rate.
* ‘Time Me, Gentlemen!’ Bellows Liston as another day at the office begins. Well on track to keep his usual podium finish of a sub 2 and a half minute job, Liston slashes away at breakneck speed.
In his haste, Liston accidentally cut through the coat-tail of a spectator, who was so frightened by the swift stroke that they died on the spot from a heart attack.
Within the same minute, eager Liston managed to amputate the fingers of his assistant, who subsequently died from Gangrene. - nice.
And as you probably figured, so did the patient, passing a few days later.
There you have it, Robert Liston, the fastest knife in the west end. Performing 66 amputations in his time with only 10 deaths. - not too bad, looks good on the résumé.
- To be fair to Liston, if I had no access to general anaesthetic and my leg needed the chop, I’d rather have it over and done with in half a minute than enduring that for much longer. Bring him back, the NHS needs him.
The record of a 300% mortality rate has never been beaten, place your bets!
Until next time,
M.
Robert Liston - Circa 1847
On This Day -
1595 - Shakespeares ‘Romeo and Juliet’ is thought to have been first performed. Officially published early 1597.
1892 - The Coca-Cola Company is incorporated in Atlanta, Georgia.
- That shit had Cocaine in it at one point, those were the days.
1964 - Stanley Kubrick’s ‘Dr Strangelove’ premieres
- One of the best directors of all time? Certainly. The Best? Maybe. Possibly.
I cannot believe Randy Marsh's balls in a wheelbarrow bit was stolen from real life. Yet again, the world surprises me, and art seems but a lackluster copycat